Since returning from our
Christmas trip a few weeks ago, I have been having a hard time feeling settled. I don't know if we went back and forth too many times in too short a time or what, but I'm just having a hard time. It was hard to come back from our
first trip home and it took a week or so to feel back to "normal" here, but it is taking a bigger toll on me this time around. I spoke with a sweet friend here in Gent yesterday about this and she told me that it was normal to go through this process…to have somewhat of a honeymoon phase when you first arrive where everything is new and exciting…but that real life would eventually come around and things would not always seem to fun and exciting. I am definitely feeling that these days. I have really had to fight the urge to give in and say that I want to go back home. To pack everything up and just go back to normal life back home. It's been a struggle for me to want to venture out and find things to do, to foster relationships (both at home and here), to try to meet new people, to want to learn Dutch, or to do much of anything. I have been feeling overwhelmed trying to make decisions about school, life, how to get more involved, etc., and in the end, I don't make any decisions at all. Instead, I end up doing nothing! I know this probably seems frivolous and a little bi-polar; frivolous because, in reality, we are so abundantly blessed and have been given way more than we deserve. These "problems" that I've been dealing with are so small compared to all the terrible things that are happening around the world, but this is my reality. Bi-polar because, for a while, things were great here and I was wondering if I would even want to come home. Even as I write this I feel a little crazy!
My sweet friend reminded me yesterday that I have to remember that God brought us here for a reason…a very specific reason. To accomplish something that only our family can do. She reminded me that, even if the purpose of this journey is to make a difference in one person's life, that God has a plan and if we can remember that, we can make it through this time with hope and a positive outlook.
I am so incredibly thankful that she was able to speak words of wisdom and truth to me at just the right time. There is no use in feeling sorry for myself and wasting this experience. I want God to use us and I am going to work hard to remember that there is a plan in all of this. Even though the tough times are hard, I also know that God uses times like these to draw us close to Him and and to teach us things…most importantly, to trust that He is in control!
