Just One of Those Days...

Yesterday started out perfectly innocent and nice for me. The sun was shining when I woke up, it was supposed to be a beautiful day, the boys were happy, and I was not feeling terrible. I had grand plans to take Cameron to school in the morning, then go run some errands with Harrison before spending the rest of the morning at the park. I also planned to be very productive during the boys' nap time. I feel like the boys and the house have been very neglected while I have been sick, so I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with Harrison as well as getting some things done around the house. Well, as soon as we walked out the door in the morning, everything seemed to fall apart. First of all, as soon as I pulled out of our garage, I noticed that our street was closed in one direction. No problem I thought…I just turned the other way and went out the opposite direction. However, as soon as I got around the corner down for our house, I was greeted with another road closed barrier. We were too late to walk or grab a bus to school and our bike trailer is broken, so I began to panic a bit. Why was our road closed anyway?? Luckily, a neighbor of ours pulled out of the garage shortly after I did to head to work, so we discussed the situation and came up with a strategy. We couldn't see any reason why our street or all the streets around us were closed, so we decided we would tag team the barriers and slip through so we could get out. By this time, another neighbor came along (a local) and informed us that all the roads were closed because they were having a street market of sorts on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This neighbor said that we could get out and back in if we lived in the area, but that people would probably be upset. So he helped us moved the barriers and I was able to get Cameron to school just in time!

After dropping Cameron off at school, Harrison and I went on our way to run errands. We went to a home improvement store for some gardening supplies and then to the grocery store. It's been quite a while since I have actually done proper grocery shopping. Smells really bother me at the moment, so I've  been spending as little time in stores as possible. Anyways, we clearly really needed groceries. So after spending a good amount of time in the store stocking up, we proceeded to the checkout. Ten minutes and €100.00 later, the groceries bagged and in my cart, with five people behind me in line, I discovered that I did not have any way to pay for my things. This particular store only takes cash, which I did not have, or a chip card (not a credit card), which I did not have. I do have a chip card, but it was not in my wallet at that moment!!! It felt like all the blood drained from my body and I began to panic. I did not know how to have a conversation about not being able to pay in Dutch (or I at least lost all the Dutch that I do know), so I began, as calmly as I could, freaking out in English. The lady at the register very calmly responded to me in English, acting as if this happened more often than you would think, and called the manager over. I couldn't even bring myself to look at the growing line behind me, but I'm sure they were annoyed. The manager took my groceries and said she would keep them at the customer service desk until I could come back with money to pay. I was still panicked and extremely embarrassed, but she told to go to a hospital nearby to get some money from an ATM.

I left the store and called Cole to tell him what was going on and that I would not be able to get Cameron from school because I was trying to get money to pay for my groceries. I felt terrible because I knew he had plans for lunch and that these shenanigans would make him late. Thank goodness for a patient husband who puts up with my crazy!! He told me to take care of the grocery situation and he would go get Cameron. I hung up and headed to the hospital, thinking about the cheese, chicken, milk and other perishables that were just sitting in my cart at the store. Then, it dawned on me that, although I knew physically where the hospital was, that it was a big hospital with many buildings. How was I supposed to quickly find an ATM on the huge hospital premises? By the grace of God, I was able to find where to park and literally walk straight to an ATM to get money for the groceries. As an added bonus, I was able to get everything done quickly enough that I didn't have an pay for parking at the hospital! You might be wondering about Harrison during all this. Well, he was happily along for the ride, but was a very curious participant. He kept asking the same questions over and over…"Where are we going mommy?" "Why are we going to the hospital mommy?" "Why did you forget to bring money mommy?" After a while, I begged him to let me answer his questions later so I could figure out what I needed to do. He seemed to understand my pleadings and waited until we had the money and were back in the car to start up again. Needless to say, a whole new set of questions came up when we arrived back at the same grocery store we had just left a mere 20 minutes earlier! To bring my humiliation full circle, I returned to the customer service desk to retrieve my groceries and pay.

After retrieving the groceries, I met up with Cole so I could get Cameron and go home. There was no time for the park at this point. We had an uneventful trip home until I got back to the above mentioned closed streets by my house. Because I live on one of the closed streets, I am allowed to drive through there to get home, but I was still stopped by an unhappy woman who was sure to tell me that I was not allowed to be doing what I was doing. By this time, I wanted to loose it on someone, but I just responded that I was going to my house and she begrudgingly let me go.

Nap time could not come fast enough once we got home. We had a quick lunch and then all headed to bed for a nice long nap. Once Cole was home, he was very sweet to take the boys out to enjoy the nice weather so I could relax a little more. At the end of the day, I was so thankful to fall into bed, have a good laugh with my extremely loving and understanding husband, and recognize and accept that it was just one of those days!

A Difficult Couple of Weeks

Since returning from our Christmas trip a few weeks ago, I have been having a hard time feeling settled. I don't know if we went back and forth too many times in too short a time or what, but I'm just  having a hard time. It was hard to come back from our first trip home and it took a week or so to feel back to "normal" here, but it is taking a bigger toll on me this time around. I spoke with a sweet friend here in Gent yesterday about this and she told me that it was normal to go through this process…to have somewhat of a honeymoon phase when you first arrive where everything is new and exciting…but that real life would eventually come around and things would not always seem to fun and exciting. I am definitely feeling that these days. I have really had to fight the urge to give in and say that I want to go back home. To pack everything up and just go back to normal life back home. It's been a struggle for me to want to venture out and find things to do, to foster relationships (both at home and here), to try to meet new people, to want to learn Dutch, or to do much of anything. I have been feeling overwhelmed trying to make decisions about school, life, how to get more involved, etc., and in the end, I don't make any decisions at all. Instead, I end up doing nothing! I know this probably seems frivolous and a little bi-polar; frivolous because, in reality, we are so abundantly blessed and have been given way more than we deserve. These "problems" that I've been dealing with are so small compared to all the terrible things that are happening around the world, but this is my reality. Bi-polar because, for a while, things were great here and I was wondering if I would even want to come home. Even as I write this I feel a little crazy!

My sweet friend reminded me yesterday that I have to remember that God brought us here for a reason…a very specific reason. To accomplish something that only our family can do. She reminded me that, even if the purpose of this journey is to make a difference in one person's life, that God has a plan and if we can remember that, we can make it through this time with hope and a positive outlook.

I am so incredibly thankful that she was able to speak words of wisdom and truth to me at just the right time. There is no use in feeling sorry for myself and wasting this experience. I want God to use us and I am going to work hard to remember that there is a plan in all of this. Even though the tough times are hard, I also know that God uses times like these to draw us close to Him and and to teach us things…most importantly, to trust that He is in control!

Happy New Year!

Gent is so beautiful this time of year. There are lights and decorations all over the city and a winter festival with a Christmas market (food, gifts, etc.), rides, and other fun things to do with the family. I was excited to get back after our trip to the U.S. so we could catch the tail end of the holiday festivities.

Street by our loft

Giant ferris wheel in town

Christmas market with the Belfry tower in the background 

Rides

Top of the ferris wheel

Top of the ferris wheel

Harrison LOVED the fries!

There is also an ice skating rink in the middle of town. We had a great time teaching the boys (and trying to remember) how to skate!

I remember being here at this time last year to look for a place to live, schools, etc. It was beautiful, and still is! As I think back over this past year, I am so amazed by what has happened. We sold our house, our cars, packed up all our things, moved to another continent, and started a life here. We have had some of the highest highs and lowest lows this year. We have faced many fears, been pushed beyond what we thought we could handle, and had some struggles, but we have also experienced God's provision in ways that we never have before. This year has been exhilarating, scary, frustrating, fun, stressful, and completely amazing all wrapped up in one! I can honestly say that I have never experienced a year like this before in my life. I think Cole would agree with me when I say that we have grown in our marriage, as parents, in our faith, and as individuals more this year than ever before. and we have received so much support from friends and family back home as well as new friends here in Belgium. We even had some amazing friends and mentors from home offer to drop everything and fly here when we were going through a specific struggle and needed support. I can't think of one time this past year where God did not provide us with exactly what we needed to get through a struggle, or fear, or stressful situation. This year hasn't always been easy, but this opportunity already has been so worth it! This experience has forever changed us and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to grow, learn, and experience this journey with my family! Happy New Year…I'm looking forward to much more traveling, fun, friendships, and life in 2014!

First Few Weeks of School

Cameron has now completed his first couple weeks of school! He seems to absolutely love going to school, and I love hearing all his stories about activities he's participated in, looking at his pictures and crafts, and hearing all about his new friends. These last few weeks have been full of excitement and adjustments! Even though I like order and a plan, I have never been that good at having structure during the day with the boys. Other than meal times and nap times (meaning, I know those things will happen at some point), our days were always different and we just did whatever we felt like. Needless to say, I was a little bit of a mess the first week of school. After dropping Cameron off at school in the morning, I came home every day and went to get groceries for dinner that night. Why I couldn't get it together enough to get a weeks worth of meals (or even a few days) is completely beyond me! Poor Harrison...on top of losing his buddy and playmate in the morning, he also had to endure going to the grocery store every single day! 

After looking back over the past few weeks, here are some thoughts I have about our new journey with Cameron.

*Cameron LOVES school! He is excited to go every day and loves seeing his friends when he gets there. When I pick him up, he's excited to tell me all about his day and what he was responsible for during class that day. He is the only child who goes to school for half a day. Even though there are other three year olds in his class, they all stay for the whole day. It's becoming much more clear to me that this is a cultural thing and that most of three year olds spend the whole day at school here. When I ask Cameron if he would rather stay for the whole day, he always says "no," so for the time being, we will continue with half days.

"Cameron's Family" class project...love our hair!

*Cameron is making lots of little friends. One difficult thing for me, and Cameron for that matter, has been watching him try to make friends with kids at the playground, but struggling because of the language barrier. If you know Cameron, you know that he is very social and loves playing with others, but that he can also come on pretty strong. Add that with the fact that the kids have no idea what he's saying and you have a recipe for disappointment. It's hard to watch your child be rejected and hurt, so seeing him make friends has been awesome! Cameron comes home every day and tells me about playing with so and so. Also, when I go pick him up at the end of the morning session, he is usually giving one of his friends a hug before he leaves. I love that he is making friends and look forward to exploring these relationships further!

Cameron and his buddy Ansh

*Cameron has had the opportunity to be a part of many fun and new activities since being in school. Two of those activities are swimming lessons every Wednesday morning, and after school yoga on Tuesday afternoons.  

So far, he LOVES swimming! 

Working with his teacher!

Cameron is second from the right

Cameron is second from the right

He's only had one yoga lesson so far. After the class, he told me that he liked it, but that he didn't want to go back...so we'll see!

 *I need a better plan for the day. I have gotten better at planning for shopping, cleaning, laundry etc, but I still feel like a crazy person running around all day...and I only have one child going to school...for half a day!! I have no idea how my parents, who had five children, managed to do it all.  Likewise, many of my friends and family have multiple children in school and activities and also work, but still seem to have it all together. I know I'll figure it out too, but right now, I am in awe of all those super moms (and dads) out there, including my own, that I look up to!

*I have to get up early, be ready for the day, and have a plan before I take Cameron to school in the morning. It's not like I really got to sleep in much before school started, but now I HAVE to get up. And taking Cameron to school in my jammies is not an option! I'm a little embarrassed to admit that it was not uncommon for us to be in our pajamas for a good chunk of the morning, but that is no longer my reality! That's probably a good thing! :)

*I have decided that I am going to try to bike to school as much as I can. It's only a five to seven minute bike ride to the school from our loft, but it's not an easy ride. There is a crazy (at least to me) hill right at the beginning of the ride that is very difficult for my untrained legs to handle...especially with 70 extra pounds in the back of the bike! However, it's easier than driving in the crazy traffic and I am determined to try to take advantage of the fact that I can safely bike there and do it as often as I can. We'll see how I feel once winter rolls around?!

Harrison loves to wear Cameron's backpack!

*I have enjoyed the opportunity to spend a few hours alone with Harrison each day. As you may know, Cameron has a rather large personality, so Harrison's personality is sometimes squashed a bit when Cameron is around. It's been nice to have some quality one on one time with him like I did with Cameron when he was that age. I feel like I am learning new things about Harrison and his specific likes and dislikes. I have also enjoyed our quiet cuddles, story time, and playtime! I hope to start planning some fun adventures (like not to the grocery store) for the two us soon! I think Harrison enjoys this time too. However, I know he misses his buddy during the day. He is always so excited when I tell him it's time to go get Cameron. He gets a big smile on his face and runs to the door every day! 

*I have never appreciated the weekend as much as I do now! Of course the weekends have always been nice because Cole is home with us, but I love them even more now! Even after just a few weeks of school, it's nice to have a break from the running around and routine we now have during the week. 

Despite all the adjustments, school has been a really positive positive experience for us so far. Cameron has a great teacher and the staff at the school is wonderful! I'm also starting to get involved and even joined the PTA! I hope to meet more parents this way and I'm excited to be part of the activities at the school!

Happy Birthday...A Little Tribute to Our Cameron Man!

July 3rd was Cameron's 3rd birthday! 3rd birthday!!!! I know everyone says this, but I can't believe how fast time has gone. As I mentioned in this post, Cole and I had absolutely no idea what was in store for us when this little life came into the world...it's amazing what an impact such a little life can have. To pay tribute, I thought I would share a little of Cameron's story.

WARNING...THIS IS A LOOONNNGGG POST WITH LOTS OF PICTURES!! :)

Cameron was definitely a special little miracle in our eyes. We didn't have major issues or problems like some people have when trying to get pregnant or during pregnancy, but it was still a process to get to the point where we were holding Cameron in our arms. I say this because, after we decided we were "ready" to have children, it took over a year for me to get pregnant. I went to the doctor after a year and we started to talk about tests, medicine, procedures and how to move forward. Thankfully, we never had to go there because, just after that visit, I finally got a positive pregnancy test! We were thrilled and felt very thankful that God allowed this to happen without any extra stuff. The first time we saw a little heartbeat on the ultrasound machine was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. We were told that everything looked great and we left over the moon. When we went back to the doctor for our 12 week visit, the doctor had a hard time finding a heartbeat with the doppler. We weren't too worried because I hadn't had any signs of trouble...no cramping, bleeding, or anything! They decided to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. Unfortunately, we found out that the precious life that was once there, no longer had a heartbeat. We had lost the baby. We were devastated. I didn't know how to respond. Everything after that happened very quickly and I was in complete shock. I was immediately scheduled for a D&C procedure first thing the next morning because I was almost into my second trimester before I miscarried.

After the D&C, we had to wait at least one month before thinking about getting pregnant again. For a short time, neither of us even knew if we wanted to try to get pregnant again. It was such a painful experience to lose a precious life, especially after trying for so long, that we didn't want to put ourselves in that position again. Thankfully, God heals our pain and has a better plan for us than we know. Just two months after we lost our first sweet baby, I was pregnant again! Once again, neither of us knew how to feel. We were excited, but scared. Thankfully, other than pretty bad morning sickness for about 12 weeks, this pregnancy was uneventful until the end. We found out that we were having a sweet boy at 20 weeks and moved forward with plans for this little addition.

20 week ultrasound

Fast forward to week 39. I went in for my weekly checkup and the doctor decided to an ultrasound to check Cameron out because his movements had been less than previous weeks. The ultrasound turned into a two hour biophysical profile (basically a more thorough ultrasound) because the tech did not like what she was seeing in the ultrasound. Unfortunately, Cameron did not pass the biophysical profile, so they scheduled another biophysical profile for the next morning to make sure he was ok. I can honestly say that, despite my normal freak-out nature, I was not too worried. I figured they were just being overly cautious and that everything would be fine. So Cole and I went in for my appointment the next morning. After another looonnnnggg biophysical profile, it was determined that I needed to be sent the hospital to be induced as soon as possible. Cameron had not passed the second test either, so they wanted to get him out sooner rather than later. We asked if we could go home to get our bags, but they wouldn't even let us do that! Thankfully we had great friends who were willing to being us our things!

Holding Cameron for the first time

Long story short, Cameron did not tolerate labor very well. His heart rate kept dropping throughout and they were watching him very closely. Just after midnight, Cameron's heart rate dropped low enough and was slow enough to recover that they wanted to get him out now! The doctor came in with a bunch of nurses. They started pulling wires and telling me that they were taking me to the OR to get Cameron out. Again, I was unusually calm for my nature, but it was very chaotic. Shortly after being taken to the OR, I heard Cameron cry for the first time. I couldn't see him, but I was so relieved to hear him cry. Other than being a little blue for a bit, he was perfect...and we were in love!

Anyone who knows Cameron knows that he lives life at full speed. He goes all out and is at 100% almost all the time. It's one of the things I love the most about him, but it's also one of the things that challenging about him. It's certainly made for lots of bumps and bruises along the way!

First big fall

He did everything early. From sleeping to crawling to walking to talking, he did it all very quickly...and he hasn't stopped since...and he does it all at 100%! :)

He even sleeps hard!

Cameron has a passion for life and loves almost everything. He loves playing instruments and singing, he loves to play soccer and football, he loves to ride his bike, he loves to help me cook and bake, he loves to eat, he loves to play, he loves playing with his friends, he loves to dance, and he loves to be the life of the party! 

 

For Cameron's third birthday, we decided to wait for Jessi and Jack to have his actual birthday party. However, we did spend the day celebrating and being thankful for his little life! Cole was able to stay home in the morning to help us celebrate with birthday pancakes!

Since it rained here all day, we spent the day doing some Pintrest activities and other fun things.

Painting on the windows

Baking soda and vinegar

Painting

Tracing numbers

Once Cole got home from work, we walked to a local bike shop to let Cameron pick out a new bike and helmet for his birthday. We wanted to get him a special bike with no pedals so that he can learn how to balance and therefore, avoid training wheels later on. We let him pick out what he wanted, and this is what he chose...

New bike and helmet

Watching a video showing him how to ride his new bike

I love what he chose because it really represents Cameron and his love for all things colorful and loud!  

Reflecting over this time has helped me, once again, realize that God has a plan for our lives and that it is good. Even though there are days when Cameron drives me nuts with his energy, I could not have imagined him any better than he is. Our prayer for Cameron when we dedicated him at church was taken from these verses:

Philippians 1: 9-11
(9) And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, (10) so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, (11) filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

We can't wait to see how Cameron's life unfolds. He has so much passion and we are certain that God is going to use him in big ways! We are so thankful and blessed to have him as a part of our family!

Happy Birthday Cameron man!!

P.S. More about his actual birthday party to come!