Feeling Unprepared!!

A couple nights ago, Cole and I had a slight freak out about baby #3 coming. If you know me, you know that freak outs are not at all abnormal for my crazy self. However, if you know Cole, you know that he is calm, cool, and collected 99% of the time, so you can be assured that this was relatively legitimate. As a side note, this cool and calm demeanor is one of the many reasons why Cole is sooooo good for me! Anyways, so we had a little bit of a freak out. Why? I'm not exactly sure. It's not like this is our first child. Of course with every addition, there are things to think about and prepare for, but I feel like I am doing this for the first time. So is it because I sold or gave away pretty much all my baby things? Or because we're about to be outnumbered? Or because my doctor visits are so different from my visits with our other two children? Or because we are doing all of this in Belgium? I honestly think it's a little bit of all of these things.

First, thinking about buying all the baby things we need again is a bit overwhelming, especially because most baby items and clothes are significantly more expensive to buy in Europe than in the U.S. Also, our situation and needs are so much different now than when we had Cameron and Harrison because life is so different. I feel stressed when I try to figure out the best way to make life easier here on a daily basis. How many strollers do I need? What's the best stroller for city life? Should I get a stroller that can hold all three kids if necessary? What's the best way for me to get from the loft (on the 5th floor) down to the car in the morning with all three kids in tow? Should we get a larger bike trailer? Can we even fit a bigger car in our garage, etc?! Thankfully, as this is our third child, I have a much better grip on reality as far as what is needed for a baby and know that it is actually not very much! The plan at the moment it to bring empty suitcases when we go home in July and fill them up with what we think we will need. Hopefully, just being able to purchase some baby things without spending a fortune will make me feel better. It might make for a crazy trip through customs and some funny looks from the locals on our way home with all the extra suitcases, new stroller, and carseat, but I think it will be worth it.

Second, being outnumbered. I think this is pretty self explanatory. I don't think I would have given this very much thought except for the fact that, most everyone we talk to with three or more children talk about how this was their most difficult transition…there are now more children than adults and not enough hands to corral all the children. While I have no doubt that this will present challenges, our other children are also growing and becoming much more independent, so I think that will help with this transition. This is what I'm going with for now anyway!

Third, I have already mentioned that going to the doctor here is an adventure in and of itself. But add to that, the visits are nothing like my visits with our other two. They don't check or do the same things as I'm used to. Therefore, I'm, very irrationally, afraid that they're missing things or not being careful or thorough enough. I have to constantly remind myself that people have babies here every day and things are fine.

Last, this is all happening in Belgium! Once again, people have babies here every day, so why am I so nervous about this? I really don't know, but I'm pretty sure this is one reason why I am feeling so unprepared. For some reason, being here makes me feel like I am doing this for the first time. When the doctor asks if I have any questions for her, my mind goes completely blank and I have no idea what to say…I feel like a deer in the headlights. Sometimes this makes me feel like, since this is my third child, I'm a pro at this and don't have any questions, but I know better then that. I feel so overwhelmed by all the things I need to figure out that I end up not asking anything…Where do I go when I'm in labor? What is the procedure during labor and delivery? Can I get an epidural if I want one? And one of the biggest unknowns, what does care look like for the baby after delivery (does the baby stay in the room, what tests do they perform after birth, vaccinations, procedures, etc.). Thankfully, I have some good friends here who have done this before me, including one American friend who will be delivering soon, to help me talk through this. I am so thankful for all of them!!

Despite all of these unknowns, we are all very excited to meet this new little one. Even though I'm sure there will be more uncertainty and fear in the months to come, we trust the One who gave us this precious gift, are thankful for a heathy pregnancy so far, and look forward to finding out the gender in a couple weeks!

Just for good measure, here's the baby bump at 16 weeks!

An Exciting/Slightly Terrifying Adventure!

When we decided to leave home and move to Belgium, there were a lot of things about life still very much undecided and up in the air…things like whether or not to go back to school, whether or not to pursue jobs, whether to move somewhere else, whether or not to have more kids, etc. While many things are still up in the air and undecided, one of those questions has been answered; or maybe more appropriately, has happened.

Baby #3 is on the way!!

When we decided to move to Belgium, we also decide that we would be completely committed to the move and to making this our home. Well, what better way than to have a baby here! I would be lying if I said that we were completely decided about this issue or on the same page when we discovered that I was pregnant. It was more of a "let's see where God leads us" type of thing. In fact, I would say that I was nervous and a bit in denial when I got a positive pregnancy test. I was so in denial that I didn't tell Cole for three whole days that I was pregnant!! However, after working through the crazy in my brain, I remembered that not telling Cole would not change the fact that I was indeed pregnant, so after three days, I told him and was happy to see that he was excited. 

Over the last nine weeks, all of which I have been sick all day every day, I have been working through this situation in my head and, I think, have come to a much more excited and calm perspective. There are still many things going on in my head about this, but there is definitely much more to be excited about than afraid of. 

So, we are having baby!! This is a positive thing! This whole process is such a miracle that we can't help but be thankful and excited. There is nothing like seeing an ultrasound with a precious, tiny beating heart, or feeling your baby move inside your belly, or bringing a life into the world, or seeing precious newborn fingers and toes, or watching your child grow and learn. We feel so blessed to have Cameron and Harrison in our lives and are so excited to welcome another little one into our family. 

So, why am I so nervous? Well, we are having another baby.…in Belgium! Ok, I know that people have successfully been having babies in Belgium for years, but it is still Belgium!! Things are different. My family isn't here. After birth care is different. Expectations are different. I can't seem to articulate it very well, so suffice it to say that it is just different. Thankfully, most medical professionals speak at least some English (at least in my experience), so I think I can rest assured that our critical needs will not be ignored. However, I can already tell that this is going to be a story for the books. For all the ladies out there, you already know that going to the ObGyn can be a teensy bit awkward, but for me, going to the ObGyn here is terrifyingly awkward (I'll spare you the details)! I'm already anticipating the actual birth story to be even worse. But it's not really realistic for our family for me to come home to have the baby and then come back here, so I'd better get used to all the differences ASAP!  

The boys have been so sweet and excited about welcoming a new baby to the family. I was a little nervous to see how they would react because Harrison is very protective when I hold another baby, and Cameron told me the other day that he didn't want any more babies in the house. However, when we told them, Cameron got a big smile on his face, grabbed my hand and said "ahhh, two babies (meaning Harrison and a new baby)?!" He went on to say, "we are going to have another Harrison." He then leaned over to me and rubbed my arm with a sweet smile on his face. After some more discussion about babies (where they grow/live, etc.), Cameron asked some more questions like "what color do you think the baby will be," and "can I see the baby wiggle," and "why does the baby make you sick?" Even though Harrison does't understand as much as Cameron, he is still very sweet. The other night he asked me if he could give the baby two kisses. He gave my belly two kisses, then asked if he could jump on and bite the baby.  It was very sweet while it lasted and, despite the later comments, I know he will be a great big brother. In the weeks since the boys have known about the baby, they have asked many times to hug or kiss the baby and Cameron is anxiously waiting to feel the baby move. It has been so wonderful to see their curiosity about the baby and their desire to sing and talk to the baby. 

So some facts:

• I am currently 13 weeks pregnant and my due date is November 24, 2014.
• Although the baby will be born in Belgium, he/she will be an American citizen. Apparently, because there are so many immigrants here, citizenship is determined by the parents' citizenship rather than where the baby is born.
• We will be finding out what we are having. Even thought we loved being surprised with Harrison, there seem to be too many other unknowns with this process that we feel like it's a good idea to find out. 
• It will be soooooo much cheaper to have the baby here rather than in the U.S. We don't qualify for Belgian insurance because we don't pay social security taxes here, but even without Belgian insurance, everything is so affordable that, in the end, I still pay much less per visit than I would in the U.S. with insurance. For example, for my last visit to the ObGyn, I had a consultation, lab work, and an ultrasound. Without any kind of insurance help, I had to pay 40 euros…that's approximately $55.00!! I don't think I have ever gone to the doctor for anything for that price, much less with all the lab work and ultrasound. 

So here's to a very exciting/slightly terrifying journey! Wish us luck!! 

International Festival

Last Friday night, we participated in an International Festival at Cameron's school. Each family that participated was asked to decorate a table to show off their country and culture as well as wear traditional attire from their country. The focus of the tables was food from our respective countries. There was also a presentation of all the countries represented at the school and a flag parade by the children.

The evening started with the flag parade by the children. Cameron was waving his flag like crazy! 

Cameron and his friend, Sebastian (Belgium/Germany) 

Once all the kids walked in with their flags, they were asked to state their name and where they were from. When the microphone got to Cameron, even though he was wearing his U.S.A shirt and waving his U.S.A flag he said, "My name is Cameron and I am from Belgium." I guess he is starting to feel at home here!

After the flag parade, the headmaster of the school gave an update on the school, followed by a presentation showcasing each country. 

Then it was time to mingle and enjoy the food and fellowship. Here are some pictures of the evening and the different tables showcasing the countries represented at the school. 

Belgium

Germany

Spain

Iran

Turkey

India

Of course Harrison LOVED all the food!
He is eating some German meatballs.

My friend, Ana, from Columbia

Veerle, from Belgium

Manning our table

Jasmin, from Iran

Cameron and his buddy Ansh

Towards the end of the festival, one of the moms from the school taught us some Indian dances. Of course the kids loved dancing, but by the end, many of the parents were dancing as well!

The goal of the festival was to help everyone get familiar with and appreciate the diversity of the school. The event was so fun and the food was delicious. I have written about diversity before and this was another great example of how we're being exposed to many different cultures. I'm thankful for the opportunity to get to know and appreciate people from many different countries! 

Diversity

Cole and I recently decided that we were going to take on a 31 day prayer challenge for our children. I found a calendar on Pinterest to guide us through the 31 days of prayer and we are working through it. So today, the theme for prayer was "diversity." I studied and prayed over Galatians 3:28 to go along with this theme.

²⁸ There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

As I read and prayed over the scripture for the boys, I was struck by the significance that I felt while reading and praying. I can honestly say that I have never prayed for diversity for the boys. I pray that they will know Jesus, that they will be protected, that they will be feel loved, accepted and safe. I pray for their future spouses, big decisions they will make, and careers..but diversity? Never! Then, the reality of our current situation sunk in. We are in nothing if not a diverse situation right now. Everywhere we look there are people who look, sound, and talk different than we do. Of course this is true throughout the city, but it is particularly true for us at church. There are people from all over the world who attend ICCG. People come from all different cultures, speak many different languages, have different accents and colors. Thinking and praying through this this morning really moved me.

Diversity is not something that I am really too familiar with. I grew up in a small town where most people and families seemed the same (at least from the outside looking in). For the most part, we all went to similar churches, thought in similar ways about things, and went to the same high school. A lot of people stay in or around the town where I grew up. FYI...I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn't do much for finding diversity either. The same is true for my college experience. I went to a small christian university where, again, it was not really that diverse. Of course there was more diversity than where I grew up, but there wasn't much that was earth shattering, and it was very easy to find people similar to me. After Cole and I got married, we moved to England for a short expat assignment. That assignment was VERY hard for me! People and things were very different than what I was used to. Instead of trying to embrace our situation, I became very closed off. I didn't do much to try to get involved in our community. We found a little church that we attended while we were there, but we didn't really get to know people or try to engage. When we left to go back home, we didn't feel like we were leaving anyone or anything because we hadn't given ourselves really at all. I'm ashamed to say that I can't even remember the name of the church or any of the people we met while we were there. When we returned back to the U.S. and moved south, we immediately began looking for people who were similar to us in thinking and lifestyle. It was easy to find that and we eventually found ourselves very comfortable in the midst of a great church and small group.

In my opinion, that in and of itself is not necessarily bad, but it's very easy. It's easy to gravitate towards people who are similar to you. Who live like you and think like you. Who look like you and talk like you. It's very easy to do that. In fact, we have even found ourselves drawn to other Americans that we have found here. It's easy! The danger in that is that it's also very easy to look down on or brush off those who are different than you. I am amazed at how God has changed my view of this in the short time we have been in Gent. We have been so incredibly blessed by people who are very different from us. We have been loved and embraced by the people at International Community Church Gent (ICCG) and are constantly in awe of how God has been working through this adventure here.

If I'm being honest, it was hard for me to want to attend ICCG when we first arrived. It's different than what I'm used to and different can make me uncomfortable. But despite our differences...our cultures, our languages, our heritage, how we grew up, how we're used to worshipping, etc., we are all connected eternally through Jesus Christ. And we worship together. Despite our differences, we find a way to put aside our selfish desires of what we're used to or want to come together and worship the One who is greater than all of that. The diversity that we have found here has opened my eyes to so much of the selfishness in my own heart and mind when thinking about church and what our purpose is in the church. It's helped me work through my issues about attending a church that is so different than what I'm used to. It's helped me be able to worship alongside a fellow believer, even if we don't agree on every issue that we (as people) choose to argue about...politics, music, marriage, traditional church, relevant church, etc. When we make church about anything more than the gospel, we are spoiling it and making our desires more important than the gospel.

I am so thankful that God has placed this on my heart and is working to change how I feel about embracing and worshipping with people who are different than me. I'm also thankful that the boys have a chance to witness, first hand, how people can love each other and worship together, despite differences that might arise. You can bet that I am going to add diversity to my prayer list for the boys. I can see how important it is to be able to see past our differences and look to the fact that we are a body of believers connected through Jesus Christ. I hope that, with God's grace, Cole and I can be a good example of this for the boys. They need to be able to see what's truly important. Thankfully, we will have lots of opportunities to practice this as a family with church, school, and everyday life!

This is Different...Part 2

You can check out my last post about the differences between here and the U.S. to see my initial thoughts about living in Belgium. However, as we continue to adapt to living overseas, we continue to find things that are simply just different than what we're used to. I feel like I should, again, point out that these things are not necessarily bad, but just different. So here are some new observations...

Speedos...everywhere...enough said!

Touching/Personal space: It has been pointed out to me on several occasions since I've been here that Americans like their personal space. Although I certainly don't represent all Americans, I can't really argue with that statement. I like to have my space and start to feel uncomfortable when people pass the personal space bubble that I've set for myself. Of course everyone defines personal space differently, but you get the point, I don't like people super close to me...especially when I am talking to someone. I remember the first time I was totally freaked out by this after we arrived in Belgium. We were getting ready to leave church one Sunday evening a few weeks after we arrived and one of our new (male) friends here leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. That is a totally normal way for friends and acquaintances to said hello or goodbye to one another, but I was completely thrown off by it. I'm sure he thought I was crazy because my first response when he started coming so close was to throw my hands up and jump back! I tried to casually recover and act calm, but I'm pretty sure I acted like a complete weirdo. He has since greeted me that way and I still jump back and go into defense mode! I hope to get better at this.

Maybe I should preface this next part by saying that, in America, we are constantly inundated with stories about children being abducted, hurt, abused, etc. and how much we need to protect them, so I am probably a little more sensitive to this than some. The other way that I have really seen this personal space/touch manifested is with the boys. I have never been so uncomfortable with the amount of touching, talking to, and interacting with the boys by complete strangers as I have been here. Here are just two of many examples of situations where mama bear wanted to jump out and attack strangers who were, in my opinion, being inappropriate with the boys. The first example happened when we were at the registration office here in Gent trying to get our residency cards. We all had to be there to get the process started, so we were waiting in the line with boys, minding our own business, when a man walked past us and rubbed his hand along Cameron's head and cheek before moving on. Cole and I looked at each other, completely shocked, and both asked if that man had just touched our child?! He's lucky it happened so fast and then moved on because we were both ready to jump in and protect our child!! The other incident happened when we were in Paris. We were sitting at a restaurant eating lunch when the hostess of the restaurant came up to the table and tried to get Harrison out of the stroller to hold him?! She didn't speak English and I don't speak French, so I, as calmly as I could, pulled Harrison back down and held him in his seat in the stroller. I guess she got the hint because she left, but I was, once again, shocked. There are many more stories like those, but I am constantly amazed and the amount of freedom people have with the boys. From holding them to touching them to giving them food or drinks...especially without asking us if we're ok with what's going on. It's very different than what I'm used to.

Church: I haven't decided whether or not to wade into the current discussions and debates about church that have been floating around in America, but God has definitely been working in my heart in this area since we have been here. One of the biggest things that has stood out to me since being here is that church is not a commodity. There is not a church on every street corner. There are not Christians everywhere you look. It's very different. I am so thankful for the church community that God has provided for us while we're here, but also for the ways in which God has worked in my heart to change the way I think about church and the purpose of the church. Maybe I'll share more specific thoughts about this at another time...

Air Conditioning: There is none! At least not in the homes in Gent. There are some stores and businesses that have air conditioning, but in the home, it's pretty much non-existent. For the most part, air conditioning is not really necessary because the weather during the summer is pretty mild except for a few days here and there. I realize this is a pretty inane issue and that we are very blessed to have access to air conditioning like we do in the U.S., but it's still a difference. I am used to being very comfortable in the home. I'm not used to sweating like crazy while cooking dinner or trying to sleep. Cole even slept outside in the rain one night because it was so hot and humid in our loft! There really have only been a few days where we were pretty miserable. The sunshine and warmth is such a welcomed sight here because it's usually gray and rainy, so I hate to complain. But again, it's just different!

Vacation: In America, vacation is something that we hold onto very tightly and use sparingly. A week of vacation in the U.S. is sometimes seen by some as excessive, and it's really uncommon to take more than one week off at a time. I knew coming here that the work ethic was different, but I was shocked to learn that a lot of companies, stores, and businesses, including the one Cole works for, actually close their doors completely for three weeks or so in July or August for people to go on vacation. In fact, Cole was told by someone in HR that he really needed to try to take off at least two weeks in a row! He didn't do it...maybe the American way of thinking about work was too ingrained in his mind to allow him to give in and take the time?! I think it would be nice to take a vacation like that, but it would also be a little weird, even for me...and I LOVE vacation! Cole did take a week off and we really enjoyed our time with him here!

Customer Service: In America, we are used to "customer satisfaction guaranteed" in pretty much every aspect of our lives. We can buy, exchange, return, and pretty much demand that something be as perfect as we desire, order, etc. It's nice to know that you will almost always get what you are looking for or need, but it can also create a sense of entitlement if you're not careful. Here, customer satisfaction is not guaranteed. You cannot return something that you have purchased and get a refund. You can take it back and perhaps get a credit at the store to get something else, but there is no such thing as getting a refund. And there is no such thing as a 90 day grace period before you can return or exchange. Here, it's 14 days at the most. You might have read about our little incident with the cake for Cameron's birthday party. We definitely were not satisfied with the cake we received compared to the cake we ordered, especially because it was an expensive cake. When I inquired about getting a refund, I was offered a much smaller cake to make up for the inconvenience that was caused. I didn't need or want another cake because one, that did not even come close to covering the expense of the other cake, and two, I didn't need a cake since the party was already over. When I discussed this with them, I was told that they didn't make the cakes in house and therefore, were not responsible for the issues. After a little more communication, I was finally offered a 10% discount off my next cake order from their bakery. I'm not going to pursue this issue any further, but this is definitely a difference that I have had to get used to. I try really hard not to be pushy and appear entitled...Americans already have a reputation for that, so I am trying to learn to just go with it and accept that this is something that is going to be different here.

Even though there continue to be things that are different in Belgium, I can still honestly say that we are enjoying our time here. God is faithful in teaching us and helping us through difficult and new things...and we are even able to laugh at a lot of our crazy experiences! We are working on embracing as many of the changes as we can and not wish for things to change...ok, maybe not the speedos! We don't want to miss out on our time here because we were wishing for things to be like they are in the U.S. I'm sure there will be a part 3 to this series at some point, but until then, we will work to enjoy the blessings we have received!

Sending Cameron to School

When we first came to Belgium for our house hunting trip back in December, part of our time here was spent talking about and visiting schools. I was very surprised to see that on our agenda because, at the time, Cameron was only two. Back home, I don't think we would have ever considered sending him to school until kindergarden, maaayyybbeee preschool. Here, since most moms return back to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave, it's very common for children to be in a daycare (or creche as it's called here) from that time on. Once they turn three, it seems that most children start going to school (2.5-3 is the age when children can officially start school). I was told they switch to school at that time because it's cheaper than daycare? I don't really know if that's true, but it makes sense. Anyways, this is not common, at least in my small world back in the United States, so it was all a little weird to me. Despite my indifference/resistance, we visited a nice school while we were here in December. I didn't really think too much about it because I wasn't considering putting Cameron in school at the age of three. In fact, I was quite certain that we would NOT be doing this!

A couple months ago, I was forced to think about the issue again. As part of our relocation package, we were given the option to send Cameron and Harrison to school here once they turned three. Therefore, we had to make a decision so that all the paperwork could be completed, payments made, etc. This was a toughie for me!! As I said before, I don't think we ever would have considered putting Cameron in school until he had to go if we were back home. I love being with the boys all day. I love being a part of their learning and development. I love to teach them and play with them. I love to see their imagination and thought process change and develop. They are only little for such a short time and I don't want to miss out on those things. Once they go to school, my time with them will be decreased. Our lives will have to be more scheduled and disciplined and we can't be as spontaneous with fun day trips or vacations. Life will be different (as if it's not different enough already)! I also struggle with guilt and feeling like I'm just pawning him off on someone else...This is definitely my issue (and a whole other post!) because there is nothing wrong with sending a child to school early! So, while working through this decision, I came to a couple conclusions. First (I'll discuss my second conclusion in a minute), I realized that my reasons for not wanting to send Cameron to school were not so much based on what would be best for him, but more centered around me and what I wanted or was feeling.

So I started to pray and think about it, not thinking about my needs, but about what's best for Cameron. Here are some of the pros and cons that got us to our decision:

Pros:
*Education here is excellent and we are blessed to be able to send Cameron to a nice International School
*Cameron can go to an English speaking school with other expat children
*Cameron LOVES other kids and playing with others. He can meet some friends and continue to develop his wonderful, outgoing personality. He will also meet children from many different cultures.
*Cameron LOVES to learn.
*There are lots of extracurricular activities that Cameron can be involved with including language lessons, swimming lessons, music and sports.
*It's a great way for us to meet other families in the area who are in similar situations as expat families
*We feel like having some structure during the day might help Cameron learn to focus a little more
*I'll have a few hours every day to spend some quality time with sweet, quiet Harrison

Cons:
*I will not get to spend all day with Cameron
*Our lives will have to be more structured
*Cameron is so young

As you can see, there aren't very many cons in this list. After talking about for several months, Cole and I eventually decided to start sending Cameron to school this fall, but just part time (9:00-11:00 everyday). We just received his acceptance letter from the school yesterday and it became VERY real for me! Yikes!!

So my second conclusion is this...I have come to learn while working through this decision is that there is not a once size fits all answer for everyone or even every child within one family when it comes to making a decision about school. Many people send their children to school early, or homeschool, or choose a private school, or whatever, and that's ok. I have never wanted to send my children early, but things don't always work out the way we planned. I have heard many people talk about making school decisions and having their kids here, there, and everywhere...in the past, this has all seemed a little crazy to me. However, now that I am faced with these decisions, I am seeing that, even within my own family, my thought process about school is completely different when thinking about sending Cameron vs sending Harrison. Even though Harrison is quite a bit younger, I'm not so sure he would be ready to go to school at three. Of course we'll have to re-evaluate when he gets to that point, but at this moment, his personality does not lend itself to school so early like Cameron's does. When we really thought through it, we realized that Cameron would excel and love this opportunity regardless of how hard it will be for us. When it comes down to it, Cameron is ready. He is independent, confident, and outgoing. I know he will do great.

I know I can't hold on so tightly forever. As I think back, I have actually spent a good amount of time letting go of Cameron in little ways in the three short years he has been alive...as he learned to crawl, then walk, feed himself, put his shoes on, go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, etc. I have had to let go of little pieces of him with each development and with his growing independence. Although I would never want to hold him back or discourage growth, it's still hard for this mommy to see her baby grow up. I know that school is just one of the many changes that will take more little pieces of him away from me, but I m excited to see how God will use him through all of this. While it's hard to go through, I am so happy to see him growing into such a smart, loving, outgoing little boy. I get a little teary-eyed even writing this, but Cameron has told me many times not to be so sad when he grows up! :) I'm determined to embrace this change and help him continue to grow and succeed, with lots of prayers to help me through of course! We are thankful for the direction and peace God has given us about this decision and we know He will help us through it...even if it's tough for this momma!

Happy 4th?

Last year, we celebrated July 4th with dear friends from our shepherding group. We all came together at our leaders house for food, swimming, and fireworks. It was such a fun time to be together and just enjoy one another. Here are a couple pictures from last year...

Shepherding group babies (Drew, Harrison, and Karis)

Cameron with his best bud Lydia

I don't think I have to say that there was no celebration or even mention of July 4th here. No fireworks, nothing. It was just another day here and we all went about our business as usual. However, all day, I couldn't shake the feeling of sadness knowing that our shepherding group friends would be gathering together and celebrating once again this year. Of course I don't want them to stop everything while we're gone...instead, life keeps moving on and we are not there. And we are happy that they are able to gather together for great times of fellowship!!

Thankfully, we were able to talk with all of them through the wonders of technology. It was so wonderful to see their faces and hear their voices. It was nice to tell them about our new home and life here in Gent. It was also great to hear about what's going on in their lives. Before we ended our time talking, the group held hands and prayed for us. There are no words to adequately describe what a blessing this group has been to us. They have prayed for us, encouraged us, loved us, and taken care of us. They mean the world to us and we could not be more thankful that God lead us to their group when He did.  

So, we hope everyone had a wonderful time celebrating our freedom with friends and family, and we look forward to the time when we will be able to be part of these celebrations again!

    

My Love Affair with Food and a (Relatively) New Passion

I feel like I have talked a lot about food and grocery shopping since I started blogging about our time here...probably because it is soooo yummy and I LOVE to eat! I have always loved to eat and I'm pretty sure I ate my parents out of house and home when I was living there. We have definitely taken advantage of the fact that food is so delicious here. The access to local fresh fruits, veggies, meat, and bread, combined with stricter food regulations in Europe have made for a better diet for us here.

Although I have always loved to eat, I have not always loved to eat healthy food. In fact, eating healthy is not something that comes naturally to me. If there are chips and carrots on a plates, I would much prefer the chips. If there is chocolate and grapes on a plate...chocolate all the way! One of the things I was trying to get better at before we moved was eating a cleaner diet, meaning more real food (fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole wheat, etc.), and less processed junk full of chemicals. I wanted that for Cole and me, but even more for our children. We worry so much about vaccinations, medication, too much TV, or whatever, but we don't seem to worry as much about the food we put in their little bodies. So I started to get more serious about this before we left and we began cutting things out of our diet and making changes...what we were eating, where we were shopping, etc. I still eat junk sometimes...I'm a little ashamed to admit that Taco Bell is a guilt pleasure of mine! :/ Anyways, after we moved here, some of those changes took a hit as I was trying to figure out where to shop, what to buy, and where to get clean, healthy food (it didn't help that there are waffles and chocolate readily available almost everywhere)! Luckily, thanks to websites like 100 Days of Real Food and Food Babe, I already knew before we arrived that food regulations are much stricter here and that we would be better able to tell (after translating) what was actually in our food. I am also much more educated on the ingredients in our food and what effect they have on our bodies. I'm thankful that companies are required to label products when they have GMO's in them so that we can at least make an informed decision!

Now that I am more proficient with shopping here (remember this this post?!), I am happy to say that we have been doing much better with eating food that is better for us. I'm not talking about low-fat, low-sugar, or diet options (because they are not actually better), but real food...fresh fruits and veggies, things made from scratch, and things with ingredients that we can pronounce. Although the lack of preservatives, GMO's, and other chemicals that we have in the U.S. is a good thing, it was also an adjustment for me because things don't keep in the fridge or on the shelf for nearly as long as I'm used to. Consequently, I have to go shopping more often, but I don't mind because the food we have tastes so fresh and yummy. I have especially noticed this with the fruit and cheese here! Of course we indulge in local gelato or other goodies from time to time, but for the most part, we are doing better at incorporating these new foods into our diet.

I didn't realize how much of a difference the food here was making on my way of thinking until we went to the American Grocery Store in Antwerp the other day to stock up on some black beans. I am very thankful that there is a place to get black beans because they are a staple for me, but I was shocked by what I saw in there. Of course there is junk food here and we succumb to the temptation from time to time, but I am not used to seeing what I saw when we went there. It was processed junk and more processed junk. I went through the (small) store and looked at label after label. Everything was full of ingredients that I'm not as used to seeing anymore because they are either illegal or require a warning label. Most companies find alternate and/or natural ways to make the same products here as they do in the United States so they can avoid putting the required warning labels on their food. Thanks to articles that I have read on 100 Days of Real Food like this, my eyes have really been opened up even more to discrepancies between food in America and food in Europe. I was also surprised by the size of the packages...from candy bars to bags of chips, I am not used to seeing such ginormous portions anymore!

I was affected enough by the experience that I am now going to be ordering organic black beans from Amazon.co.uk so I can avoid the chemicals in the black beans from the American Grocery Store. We are by no means perfect at this and we still have a lot to learn...of course we still have to pay attention to what is in the food here, but it is so much easier to avoid a lot of the nasty stuff that is in our food nowadays in the U.S. It makes me nervous to think about moving back (when the time comes) and having to worry so much about this stuff again. I love being able to feel good about what I am feeding my family. I'm hoping that, by the time we come back, some of these ingredients will be required to be better labeled or that they will be banned all together! I'm also hoping that our taste buds will be changed in a significant way so that we won't even desire the junk food anymore! Until then, I am going to enjoy the fact that we have access to all this yummy, fresh goodness and keep working towards a better diet!

Stay at Home Mom

My short time as a stay at home mom has already been one of the greatest blessings and challenges that I have ever had in my life. This job has provided some of the greatest joys and deepest frustrations as well as a love that I didn't know existed until I held our first little one in my arms. There is no way to describe what it feels like to carry a baby for nine months and then hold that little miracle in your arms for the first time...but I will never forget it! I knew I wanted to stay home with our children if I at all could. My mom was home with us and I will forever be thankful that my parents made the sacrifices they did to allow her to be home with us. I know not everyone can be home with their kids or even wants to be, and that's ok, but for me, it was important and I'm thankful that we were able to make that happen. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting for my life as a stay at home mom, and I'm not even sure if I can articulate what I was anticipating when I decided to stay home, but it's definitely different in reality. Our two boys are wonderful! They make me smile, laugh, and thank God every day. They keep me on my toes, especially now that they are both very mobile. But as much joy as they bring to my life, they also bring frustration, confusion, guilt, feelings of inadequacy as a parent, and prayer, prayer, and more prayer...prayers for wisdom, patience, strength to get through a long day, and for grace! From the very beginning, Cole and I realized that having a child was going to be different from our expectations. When we first arrived home with Cameron, he was sleeping in his car seat. We sat down, looked at each other and said "now what?!" It was like life was forever changed, but it was still very much the same. We had this little being with us now, but there really wasn't anything unusual to be doing at that moment. Oh how our eyes have been opened since that moment. :) 

Just after we arrived home from the hospital with Cameron

Of course our lives are VERY different since having children, but in that moment, it didn't seem that different. The first week with Cameron was a whirlwind. I was not able to do much except feed Cameron because of the c-section, but it flew by. I vividly remember when Cole wen t back to work...I was scared. I cried for many weeks because it felt like life was over. I didn't realize that the crying and all the feelings associated with being a new mom were semi-normal and that it would pass. It was hard to see past that when all I did all day was watch a sleeping baby, feed him, change him, and interact with him as much as you can interact with a week old baby. I felt like I had failed at being a mom already because I was having these feelings. Life was definitely different!                                                                                                                                         

                                                                             

 

It's hard to explain, but life for me as a stay at home mom fluctuates between so many emotions, sometimes by the minute! It can be fun, boring, frustrating, enlightening, discouraging and heartwarming. 

My first Mother's Day (2011)!

It can be also be lonely at times. It's very hard to succinctly describe (that's probably why this post is all over the place). I can't think of anything else in my life that gives such gratification and joy as well as complete feelings of inadequacy. I had such a great group of moms with wonderful children back home that I could talk to, spend time with, and ask advice. They were in the trenches with me on this journey. I really miss that...

Harrison is here!

Heading home with our two sweet boys!

Mother's Day 2012!

Anyways, so now I live in a new country, have two little ones, and still struggle with the same things...but it seems to be a little more difficult here. There's not really such a thing as a stay at home mom here. Everyone works...it's just a cultural difference. Because of that, there are no indoor playgrounds or gyms open during the day, no playgroups or story times available, or many other moms who are home with their little ones during the day. Also, it rains here quite often, so we are stuck at home a lot! I only know one other mom who is at home during the day, so, in general, I'm left to figure this out on my own. It has sent me to my knees because there have been many times when I have felt so completely inadequate for this job. These children are so precious and such a gift that it seems inconceivable that I could ever get annoyed, frustrated, or bored with being their mother. To me, parenting is the closest we will ever get to understanding the love that Christ has for us...at least while we're here on this earth. I love my children unconditionally (as unconditionally as a human can), even when they disobey or ignore me, push my buttons or test me, etc. And my heart breaks when I see them hurt or scared. I want to protect them the best that I can from all the pain and suffering that comes from a fallen world. I try so hard to remember how God loves us, even when we are frustrating and disobey, and extend that love to my children. But I definitely have to rely on God to help me remember those things because I fail at this quite often. I am constantly reminded that I can't do this alone! When things are going well and I feel like I have a handle on what's  

So blessed

going on, there is a new behavioral issue we have to address. Or my patience has worn thin and I have to repent to God and my children for losing my temper. Or there is someone who wants to give their opinion about what I'm doing (or not doing) and make me feel inadequate. Or life starts to feel boring and mundane and I just want some time for me. Or fill in the blank... There is always something. Being here on my own has really magnified my need to rely on God for help on this journey. Our boys are changing and growing so fast and they need us so much. I never want to let the feelings of frustration, loneliness, inadequacy, or my need for just one minute to myself to get in the way of my calling to raise and love our sweet children. They are so precious and I don't want to take for granted the time I have with them. I am working to cherish little moments with them more. Before I know it, they will be graduating from college, getting married, and moving overseas themselves!! 

Mother's Day 2013

This is Different...

I'm sure posts like this will continue to pop up as we learn more about being here, but here are a few things that have stuck out to me as being pretty different from America. And when I say different, I don't necessarily mean bad, just different! I already posted a few things, but here are a some new things to add to this list of adjustments we have had to make!

Grocery shopping (or really any shopping):

I already posted a little bit about my struggles with grocery shopping, but as I think back over the past few months, there are some more things that stick out to me. When I first started going shopping by myself with the boys, it was very intimidating. I still struggle sometimes, but one of the biggest issues for me was that I couldn't then and still struggle with reading things. Take laundry detergent for example. I remember standing in the aisle looking at all the options. In my head I knew they were all laundry detergent and, for the most part, laundry detergent is laundry detergent am I right?! There were even brands I recognized, but I still had a crazy inner struggle with picking one! It would go something like this..."Ok, I recognize this brand...but I've never used it before...but there isn't anything else I recognize, so it's better than a total unknown...but it might be different in Belgium...maybe I should compare these two...you are a crazy person, just pick it up and move on." What is my problem?!? And I did that with almost EVERYTHING! I now have a translate app on my phone so I can find out what something is if I really need to know. It's not that efficient, but I can calm the crazies a little bit if I need to! :) The other difficult thing about grocery shopping is that measurements are different in Europe. In Europe they use the metric system, so things are measured in liters, kilograms, grams, etc. Of course, all my recipes have measurements in pounds, ounces, etc, so I am constantly converting things. There's no such thing as going to the store for a 15 oz can of something here. So, of course, I have an app to convert everything too...this is the 21st century! :) I hope by the end of our 3-5 years here, I will know the conversions without having to look them up every single time!  

Laundry:

This is an interesting one for me. We have a washer and dryer in our loft, which in and of itself is a very nice thing. There are many who don't have a dryer or neither of them at all! For me, laundry is almost a daily thing...or it should be! :) However, one load of laundry, from start to finish, takes at least 3 hours, if not longer! The fastest wash cycle I have takes 40 minutes and that's just a quick wash...not bad, but also not very thorough. A normal wash takes an hour and a half! Drying takes hours! I have never gotten a load completely dry in less than two hours. Two and a half hours is the least, but that's a small load! So this is VERY different from what I'm used to at home! 

Road Etiquette:

This is a big one and has been a huge adjustment...mostly because if you mess this one up, there could be very bad consequences! I think I mentioned before that bikes and pedestrians have the right of way when crossing the street. People and bikes come out of no where, so you always have to be on the lookout. It's stressful when driving, biking, and walking. You just always have to be alert of what and who is around you! While it is a little nerve-racking to just go across the street without waiting to be absolutely certain that cars are going to stop, you just have to go! If you hesitate, the locals get very annoyed with you! Now that I know that you are supposed to just cross the street without waiting for cars to stop, I get annoyed with people who hesitate...one step closer to becoming a local! :) I still haven't determined who has the right of way between a pedestrian and a bike, but I have seen a couple of people get run over by bikes! Ouch! A friend of mine who is also doing an expat assignment with her husband, told me that she always worries about her kids being run over by some form of transportation and I now understand why!  We are getting better with the rules, but it is still stressful to drive when everyone is out!

Clothing:

I'm not even sure where to start with this one. People dress very different here. Back home, unless it was a special occasion, I usually dressed pretty casual...especially if I was taking the boys somewhere to play. I will never forget the first time I took the boys to the park by myself. I was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and a sweater with my hair was in a pony tail. There were two other mothers at the park with their children. Each of them, and their children, were dressed to the nines! The moms had on skinny jeans and boots, and their hair was all done. The kids also had on nice pants and shoes. I couldn't believe it! I had already noticed that people dress very nice here, but I guess I was shocked to see that almost everyone, in almost every circumstance dresses up. Biking, playing, shopping, you name it, they look nice! There is no such thing as a cute mom-on-the-go here (as we know it in America). I have to admit that I have gone shopping or to the park in my workout clothes or sweats and have been very happy doing so. I would get crazy looks here if I did that!! It has taken me some time to stop worrying about this very inane issue and just be me! It's not realistic for me to get a completely new wardrobe and it doesn't seem comfortable to me to be dressed so nice all the time, so I have decided that I am just going to be me, and that's good enough! However, I still get looks when I go out and I am still shocked almost daily by some of the outfits I see.      

Breakfast:

We were invited over to our neighbors loft a couple weeks ago for breakfast to get to know them better. They told us not to bring anything and to just come and enjoy ourselves. We had no idea what to expect because this was our first time eating with some locals! Of course when we think of breakfast, we think of eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast, pancakes, cereal, etc. When we walked in the loft, we saw fresh breads, bagels, and pastries with butter, cream cheese, jelly, Nutella, etc., cheeses, tomatoes and cucumbers with balsamic vinegar, ham and salami, coffee, tea, and juice! It was very different than what we're used to, but it was delicious! As a side note, we have awesome neighbors and are thankful to have had the chance to get to know them.

Restaurants/Eating Out:

First of all, almost every sit down restaurant worth visiting in Gent (and other places) requires a reservation on most nights....usually several days before you want to visit. There have been several occasions where we have tried to go out to eat last minute and have been turned away from every place because we didn't have a reservation. We couldn't even wait for a table because literally every table was booked for the entire night! I'm not used to that, so we have missed out on some good meals, but I'm sure we'll get better at remembering this detail. The other thing about eating out here that's different is that meals take hours. It's not like you go in, order, eat, and pay within an hour. There's no such thing. You arrive, you have appetizers and drinks (or try to read the menus as we do), you order, eat and eat and eat, then you wait for a while and decide whether or not you have room for dessert. You then decide it's foolish not to order dessert and order what you want. During dessert and after, you are supposed to sit and drink some more, then sit and talk for a while. We have never had the ticket brought to us without asking for it so we could pay and leave. Eating out is definitely an event and, unless you really plan for it, it can be stressful...especially with kids along. It's very difficult, at least for me, to keep my kids quiet and sitting for two or three hours. Although I have yet to have a bad meal here, I usually leave a restaurant exhausted from trying to entertain the crazies so they don't disturb all the other patrons. Side note, they don't believe in ice here, so all drinks are served at room temperature, or at best, chilled. Also, water is not free, so meals can get very expensive! All that to say, eating out is a delicious event!

As I said before, these things aren't all necessarily bad, they have just taken some getting used to! It makes life interesting to introduced to new things, so we are trying to embrace them as they come and do with them what we can!