9 Years!

Today marks nine years since Cole and I got married! 

There have been many things running through my head as I've gone about the course of this very normal day. First, I am thankful. Thankful for my marriage, for the commitment that we have made to make this work, for the friendship I have with my husband, for the partner I have in my husband, for the family we have, and everything we have been given. Second, I don't think there is much more that can make you appreciate a good year of marriage than a bad year (or two) of marriage. If I'm being honest, when I wrote our anniversary post last year, I really had to struggle to find words to say. I didn't have that "lovin' feeling" that I thought I should be having towards my husband and we were struggling. I think we had been struggling for some time, but coming to Belgium and being alone really brought this to our attention. A little over a year ago, Cole and I discovered that we were drifting apart. We weren't on the same page about things and that was making it hard to align our priorities and decisions. We were able to better cover it up when we were busy at home with friends, family, church, and all the other things we were involved in. But when we came here, we were smacked in the face with this reality. At first, we tried to just pretend that we were fine, but after a while, that was not working. We were frustrated and almost just coexisting in our home. After a couple nights of some pretty intense discussion, Cole called on some friends from home to pray for us and to walk alongside us as we struggled. We were overwhelmed by the response that we received. These friends embraced us, prayed for us, loved us, and one couple even offered to drop everything and fly here to help us work through these things. They gave us freedom to be imperfect and still be loved…something that's not always easy to find. We are so thankful for them. Once we were able to open up and talk with others about what was going on, we were also able to hear stories from them about times when they struggled…these are couples that we look up to and respect and we couldn't believe that they had also had problems in their marriages. We were not alone and that was very comforting!

So what have we learned since then? Well, the biggest thing we have learned is that we were not doing a good job of communicating much of anything…our thoughts, expectations, needs, wants, feelings, how we wanted to parent, direction of our lives, etc. We also learned that we weren't very good at understanding how to relate to one another when one of us was frustrated or upset. So we decided to work on those things and really try to understand the other person.

While we definitely don't have a perfect relationship or marriage, I can honestly say that, since then, there has been growth and we have moved back towards each other in a great way. I think it's strange when I hear people say that they love their husband/wife more than they did before. I have always loved Cole…first as a friend, then as a wide eyed teenager, and then as my husband. He is my best friend on this earth and I love him. What I can say is that my love for him has changed over the years. It has deepened and matured. We have been through really good times and not so good times and we still love each other. We will not give up on each other or the family that we have been entrusted to care for.

Tonight, we were able to sneak out for a quick date night. We didn't get all dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant. Instead, we held hands, walked around Gent, and ate at a small local restaurant. After dinner, we went to get dessert, or more food for me. :) It wasn't fancy, but it was perfect. I love just being with Cole. I love watching him be a dad. I love talking about where we were, where we are now, and where we hope to be. I love doing life with him! As crazy as it sounds, I'm thankful for the smack in the face a year ago that has brought us to where we are now. We are much better for it!! So here's to many more years and new experiences!

Happy anniversary to my best friend!!