Loneliness

I wrote this post a couple weeks ago but have been hesitant to post it. One, because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or whining...we are so incredibly blessed to be in the situation we are in, to be healthy, and to have our wonderful boys, each other, new community here, and a strong support system back home. We can't deny that God has richly blessed our lives in so many ways. Secondly, it's hard for me to admit when I fall short or when I or we as a family are struggling with things. We all want to present a nice, picturesque little family and life, right? So it's hard to admit when things just aren't that way! However, I think this post is a testament to God's tremendous grace in our lives, so I decided to share it even though it might make me feel uncomfortable or vulnerable! So here it is...

For Cole, life in Gent is not too different from home. Of course he has a new role at work and therefore, new/more responsibility, but his day to day life is not very different. He still gets up and goes to work everyday. He told me yesterday that he is surprised by how fast Gent feels like home for him. I am so happy to hear that, and for the most part, I feel the same way too. I think the boys have adjusted better than both of us, so we don't really worry too much about them! Personally, I was preparing for the worst because we had been told by several people that it would take 7-10 months to get adjusted and make this feel like home. Being me, I decided that, if it took others 7-10 months, it would definitely take me at least a year! Fortunately, like I said before, for the most part I feel very at home here. It helps that Gent is a beautiful place to live and that there is plenty to do. It also helps that most people speak at least some English and are generally pretty friendly. However, there are times when loneliness creeps in and I really miss my life in America. Just the other day was an example...Harrison's 1st birthday. We had a nice little party for him with some friends from church. We had a great time and I am thankful for the friends that we have met, but it just wasn't the same. There was a nagging feeling and a bit of sadness that our friends and family back home, as well our our boys' second parents (you know who you are) couldn't be here to celebrate with us. Then there are other times when I just want to go get some Taco Bell or Dairy Queen at 10:00 p.m. (no equivalent here...that's probably a good thing!!). Or other times, when it would be nice to go on a date and spend time with Cole, without the two crazies whom we love very much! :) Or when I see pictures of things going on back home that we are missing...weddings, get togethers, church events, new babies, etc. While I am happy these things are going on, it's sometimes hard to live in the moment and not wish I was there too!

There are things that are more difficult for me here. They affect me more because my day to day life is VERY different. Of course I am still home with the boys all day like back home, but I don't have all my wonderful mom friends to hang out with and have play dates, or the library to do story time, etc. I realize I'm whining a little bit here (I have no reason to complain), but that's how I'm feeling today. It's times like those that I mentioned above that I get a little discouraged and wish that we were back home. Things were just easier. I knew how to do things and get things accomplished. I had a strong support system. I just miss home sometimes!

But there is always a plus side, right?! There really are a lot of good things about being here, but one has really stood out to me over the past week or two. Because we are here by ourselves as a family, we have spent a lot of time together without distraction! This is a good thing! But in the process of spending a lot of time together, God has really pointed out ways in which we have failed each other, both in our marriage and in our parenting. The loneliness has forced us to see the ways that we have been falling short in serving one another and growing together. There was so much going on back home. We were constantly on the go with friends, family, kids, church, shepherding group, worship team, work, etc. that we didn't realize what was going on with our family. While those things we were doing were good things, our priorities started to shift a little bit and affect our family life. Once we arrived here and didn't have all the distractions or demands of our time, we realized that things were a little off.  Maybe we saw it before to a certain extent, but we didn't make it a priority to fix those things...to slow down a little and focus on what is truly important. We desperately want to have a strong marriage and family and we are so grateful for God's grace in our lives to show us where we fall short, and that same grace that allows us to have grace with each other. We are also thankful that, through the difficult times, God has been working to draw us closer to Him and to each other. We are fallen people and naturally find faults with each other and our children. However, God is so faithful in showing us the things that we need to work on, giving us the strength to change, and the ability to forgive each other when we mess up.

Loneliness is hard and there are days when I really don't want to deal with it. But I can't deny the fact that God is working, even through these difficult times. So once again, I praise God for what he is doing in our lives and teaching us!